Deep in the night..

- Oscillation -

Change.
Its all what we talk about now.
"Look how big you've grown!" "Oh.. you.. are so different.. now.."
Be it size or shape,
mentalities,
beliefs,
we are constantly changing,
never static at one point,
thanks to the "insults" from the environment..
that is why pre-judgement has no place at all..
we are evolving by the micro-second
never the same before

- Merdeka -

Malaysia..
You are a beautiful country
the crystal clear water
breath-taking hills of scenery
with no residing earthquake points
or bewildered winds
native people have hearts of gold
values that go so deep
I would give my life to protect you and would not have a 2nd thought
I am deaf to those who wants to divide and rule
This is my home
I love you..
Happy 51st, Malaysia.

Here in my home :

by: Malaysian Artistes For Unity
Lyrics:

HERE IN MY HOME

Verse 1

Hold on brother hold on

The road is long. We’re on stony ground

But I’m strong. You ain’t heavy

Verse 2

Oh there’s a misspoken truth that lies

Colors don’t bind, oh no.

What do they know? They speak falsely.

Chorus

Here in my home

I’ll tell you what its all about

There’s just one hope here in my heart

One love undivided

That’s what it’s all about

Please won’t you fall in one by one by one with me?

Verse 3

Push back sister won’t you push back?

Love won’t wait. Just keep pushing on.

Yes I’m strong. You ain’t heavy.

Verse 4

Oh don’t you worry about that…

What we have shadows can’t deny

Don’t you know it’s now or never?

Rap

[Bahasa Malaysia]

Bertubi asakan berkurun lamanya

Hati ke depan mencari yang sayang

translation: Years of fears and years of tribulation

The heart keeps searching for that endless devotion

[Mandarin]

手牵手大家一起走，我代表华人开口未来就没有丢走

phonetics: shou qian shou da jia yi qi zou

wo dai biao hua ren kai kou wei lai jiu mei you diu zou

translation: Hand in hand we’ll march like blood brothers

I speak for my people we’ll find peace forever

[Tamil]

இந்த பயணம் பயணம்.. என் வெற்றி தாகம்,

அந்த கனா காலம்.. நம் வெற்றி ராகம்,

நண்பா.. நண்பா..

phonetics: inthe payanam payanamm yen vettri thaagam

anthee kaana kaalam naam vetri raagam...nanba nanba

translation: May the road ahead quench my thirst for success

May the road behind echo a song of the blessed

[English]

Yes I feel it in my bones and I will let it be known

No matter where I roam this is home sweet home

Sing!

- Words & Music by Pete Teo featuring rap by KLG Sqwad & Altimet

- Reprinted by permission. © 2008 Redbag Music. All Rights Reserved.

Felt the love?

Get it here. :D

Ahh.. Got to gear up! Semester 9.. is about to start in less then 2 days. eek.. Less then 48 hours, i am to embark in the roller coaster ride of my life.. eek.. eek.. The thought of having to endure two major soul wrenching exams.. in 1 year. makes me go triple eek.. Take a deep breath .. and dive..

Quotes

" i'll put that differential diagnosis beneath my slipper"

" 500mg paracetamol? Are you intending to tickle your patient?"

"Be precise!"

"Are you a medical student, Or a student doctor?"

"Pavlov's lab dogs"

Listening is healing

Muahahaaha
It's 2.06am now,
and i am wide awake
no yawns, no watery eyes, wide awake!

was trying so hard to write a liason psychiatry report for the past 5 hours.
and only managed to type like a quarter of a page?!
and i am oh so deviating towards this magnet-like internet
that had my hands so itchy that i just have to write something..

If only i can channel this "inspiration" to the correct place!

Today, i feel like i'm some sort of hound looking for "sad", "depressed", "suicidal", "anxious", "siau" people in the wards.
Further, it takes hours / days to built rapport before some1 divulges their personal stuff, rantings, deep and bottomless fear to you.. right?
And, when we start to ask about hallucinations, be it visual or auditory, i get that look. That dirty look from the ward patient that thinks i'm the siau person instead. Hey, i'm looking pretty serious here ok ah pak! -_-'''


So, 1 word for the psychiatrists.

GENG.

They really got the patience to sit and wait and sit and wait till they spill their beans.

listening is healing

What goo?

Interestingly,
if you would want to peek into the future of your medical career
( eg : what specialty you are destined to be(!!?) ),
tolerance to Goo (which means slimey mucoid stuff) could be used as a "screening tool", as published by the CMAJ.

But, for the enthusiasts,
who prefer to have narrower lead as to what you might "be-come",
you could try this,
if only you have 15-20 minutes to spare to answer the 130 questions. *glups*

Delusions and illusions

The world is a fish market.
What do they do best?
Sell fish.


It is a wonder how we were taught and brought up.

Moral values like -
be noble!
do not lie!
be helpful!
humble!
caring!
share your wealth / knowledge!
never steal!
don't cheat!
etc...

is now being mocked! Mocked! MOCKED!!

Think about it.
When is the last time, you tried so hard to uphold your moral values,
but all you get is a spit in the face??
"you are so naive. yeah.. noble, but stupid."

No.
Being noble is not stupidity.

People i know of, who should be down-right good people, are letting people down.
They shouldn't be like this.
They should be moral-filled human beings.
Not people who are lured by shortcuts or "cheatcodes" or favors.

What happened during the course of growing up?
Is it because they were hurt?
And is this just one of the protective mechanisms that is being ticked off?
Gosh.Wake up!!

Cheese!

Got my new baby today! :)

The stormy clouds *yea!* , the thunder**double yea!* accompanies me as i sit here in this room in seremban.
I guess, the angels really know i love rainy days.
Just listen to how the tiptaps of the rain drops go.


Ah... so fast!! and I'm again back here, again..

However,i do sense a tinge of "freshness" ;
The house smells fresh
I feel like a freshman
and there is some sort of gratitude i have towards my room!
--- it's "looks" bigger and "cooler"!
Although i am pretty sure it measures the same,
and there is no air-conditioning unit that has been secretly installed in this room!
Oh well, musta be the side effects from PGP.. hehe.


Classes starts tomorrow. Eek!

Battle at kruger ; Wow~

Life is a canvas of our choices...

This week in neurosurg, we were posted to the neuro ICU ward of TTSH.
(the place where Mrs Lee Kuan Yew was previously treated.)

Apart from taking time to adjust ourselves to take the MRT at 6.30am for 1 hour, and finding our way through the TTSH maze, we were, touched.

I saw the extremes happening, from miracles to dashed lives/families, to families begging for patients to be operated once again-helplessness... Tears poured freely, guilt overwhelming loved ones, some tried to act tough, some fighting amongst themselves, ...

Life events does make a rude turning, in a split second, changes occur without any warning. Life hangs on a delicate balance. It is so fragile. Yet, sometimes we play it like we are playing pinball.
Every single moment, all of us, are aging, running towards the ultimate ending. None is spared.

Did we actually ponder on the fact that, we only have A maximal of 120 years to live. It is so so SO limited. When will we take time to cherish and spend quality time with the people around us that we love or loved us? When do we work? When to read and study? There is so much love, so limited time to spend. Things are complicated by studies ( as you know, knowledge is bottomless) and work ( to find $ or more $$$$$).

We shouldn't be blinded when every thing is fine. It is useless to act like an ostrich. Events flow, like a downstream river. When you let it just flow by, it passes by, and becomes the past. Nothing you do, will re-make the scenario. Nothing is re-playable. We might be stuck in the dilemma, to make choices, according to which and what is more important.

From my point of view, Love is. Family. Loved ones. When the time is up, and they are gone, nothing will bring them back. That's the crude truth of life. Money is never enough. Knowledge is never satiable. But, if you missed a fact or a chance to earn some bucks, you still have another and another chance. People who flaunt the amount of knowledge they have, or the rolls and trolleys of achievements on you, should be questioned, what have they sacrificed?

The thing about having to take the MRT is you actually have the time to sit down ( if you are lucky and fast~!) and ponder over things that happened through the day. And also. to look at humans. Literally studying them, their expressions, their actions. Hehe. I m really enjoying myself here!! :)

Elective-zz~~~~

Wow,

it's been 4 weeks~! It's like a breeze.. wooowee
Funny why i always think life and all events occuring around me feels like something in a dream.
Maybe i have a goldfish's brain.. cant hold anything more then 5 seconds!?


Ze posting in radiology is superb, the people here are nice and humble, even though they are super consultants or super profs / founders of stuff. They come right down to us punny little elective students to talk, teach us, and bring us along everywhere, even to interventional suites where we get to see the procedure while they are doing it side by side!! (without thinking of charging us a cent! yes, i did this elective for free, just paid for the accomodation and processing fee of 100$) Sigh, things are certainly different down in seremban, where the people there will get angry and refuse us if they fail to recieve the expected return from our school. Sigh. Sigh..

Anyways..
It was fun fun fun.
We get to join the residents for classes too!!
Ranging from the super Geng class like prep for FRCR-2B exams, which mostly left us dazed when we came out of the classes~
Some are case presentations from various dept ( neuro, Gi, peads, opthalmo..),
survival kits for reading various modalities of radiology
etc etc....

YS, A, PH, a philipino dr, and i also get to go visit the Nuhs museum, along with prof LT who designed, and put the collectibles inside it.

Ah... enuff said for the day..
Here are the pics.. can find them on friendster oso (know what my friend from HongKong (YS) said? "Use face book la... Friendster outdated dy! nobody in HK uses that!!" gosh... maybe i am really slow to change..)

PGP residences; the place where i am blogging from :)

Room

Outside library
DDIThe 3 elective students!

Yummy food~

PH's spaggeti

Chillin' at the staff lounge

PH, after a meal

B4 a lecture

Museum outing

Prof LT and us
Prof G, CT machine and us
The MRI machine, radiographers ( chirs and Y), Manu, and us
YS and me

Stairs stairs and more stairs..

singaporean birds having their lunch break

Signning off now..
yeah.. im a lazy bone :p

"The practice of medicine is an art, not a trade,
a calling, not a business;
a calling in which your heart will be exercised equally with your head"
-William Osler

:: HAPPY BIRTHDAY XUELI~~::

Lesson 101

1. Learn something after every incident.

2. Masters of masks & weavers of plots and trickery are all around us, and God shows them to us from incidents and accidents.

3. Appreciate every moment in life for they are our canvas for our imagination.

4. You do not need to fret at things which are deemed unworthy.

-- mashed --

Your Call (Secondhand Serenade)

Waiting for your, call I’m sick, call I’m angry
call I’m desperate for your voice
Listening to the song we used to sing
In the car, do you remember
Butterfly, Early Summer
It’s playing on repeat, Just like when we would meet
Like when we would meet

I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight

Stripped and polished, I am new, I am fresh
I am feeling so ambitious, you and me, flesh to flesh
Cause every breath that you will take
when you are sitting next to me
will bring life into my deepest hopes, What’s your fantasy?
(What’s your, what’s your…)

I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight

And I’m tired of being all alone, and this solitary moment makes me want to come back home
(I know everything you wanted isn’t anything you have)

I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight

I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight
(I know everything you wanted isn’t anything you have)

Sing your lungs out!!

Come on, Sing along..

Such a feelins comin over me

There is wonder in most everything I see

Not a cloud in the sky

Got the sun in my eyes

And I wont be surprised if its a dream


Everything I want the world to be

Is now coming true especially for me

And the reason is clear

Its because you are here

Youre the nearest thing to heaven that Ive seen


(*) Im on the top of the world lookin down on creation

And the only explanation I can find

Is the love that Ive found ever since youve been around

Your loves put me at the top of the world


Something in the wind has learned my name

And its tellin me that things are not the same

In the leaves on the trees and the touch of the breeze

Theres a pleasin sense of happiness for me


There is only one wish on my mind

When this day is through I hope that I will find

That tomorrow will be just the same for you and me

All I need will be mine if you are here
*

Now... feel better??

Letter to God

Dear god,

Once upon a time, i had a friend who told me that friends are like clothes.
and i remember i refused to believe in it.

then one day
i took off all the clothes i had
i burnt them all down
drew a line
put up a false front

because on that day
Life became meaningless to me

it all began
when
i had told you, my dear god,
please, do tell me the secret of life
i prayed hard for the "secret"
i was too arrogant and ignorant
too inpatient to learn from life

and,
you showed me ..
death
and
impermanence

God,
my heart was shattered
i sank into darkness
nothing is real
life was just a dream i yearn to wake up from
i feel the irony of life
it feels cold and cruel

everything
everything
no matter how hard you grab with your might
it'll slip off
it's like grasping sand between your fingers
catching air with a vacuum cleaner

it is going too fast
i am a loser to time
i cannot outrun it

so i shifted my priority to my family
but god,
it aches my heart each time when i go back home
to find another wrinkle on my parents face
knowing a new event happened to my love-ies without me

i see the phases of life in my mind
everytime
at the lunch table in the restaurant
whenever a pair of young couple / family is eating
in my mind they transform into a young family, a middle age family, and then the children all grown up, leaves to form their own family, and then the couple dies.

Dear god
yes, i did see life too
the beginning of life
the baby's first breath
the cry
but the joy i had was clouded by shudders and chills of what is going to be

Slowly,
months went by
the tear supply was exhausted
i too, was exhausted, wasted
the 30,000rm exam was looming
i cannot fail
i shelved the idea of life

God,
for months
the idea was at the back of my head
never the main topic
i rebuilt my life
i am starting to look at clouds and my blue sky
slowly bits and pieces
but it is still in progress
i am still mending my heart

i know i must grow up
fact remains as fact
there is no neverland
this is life
i must take away
my ego, &
my fantasies
to be an apprentice of life.


Bless me, dear god.

Super Junior

Watch this if you want a laugh after a hard day








Happy Holidays!!!!!
I didn't really sensed the happiness until the conversation below took place..

Friend : Eh xinli, what sem are you in now?
Me : Sem .... EIGHT! ( really syok feeling. hehehe :P)

Only 10 days of holiday after toiling for 1 year / sleeping for less then 6 hours per day, siting stuck to the chair until you feel pain in your buttocks and numbing toes...
Ahhh.... Make it worthwhile!! :)

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