it's been a year since my last post

Something drew me back here, i don't know what it is, but i can feel it, in my veins, my arteries heck even in my toenails.

I want to write about this thing called emotions. Something felt in the heart, in the gut, and you can't really do justice to it by giving it a mere name. Exactly? I don't know what is the word to describe it, but it made me want to write something down. Something that i must translate into this digitalised space.

It's been a long time since i opened up this blogsphere. As though it is the forgotten palace that i used to enjoy, something abandoned but yet still felt familiar. Like the old toy or tricycle at home in a corner gathering dust. Like how when you return home after years, yet you instinctually know which switch is for which light. It used to be so in and so fun. So many memories, under the layers of dust.

I guess everything has a limited life span. a life span defined by human attention. Did we outgrew blogging? Like how we are outgrowing Facebook. Twitter can wait. Then in comes the new things like Vine - the 6 seconds video. This is how short our attention span is.

We move on. Things change.

But emotions. Intricate emotions, linked with memories which we bury within our convoluted folds of grey and white matter. From a neuroscience point of view, they are nothing but chemicals stored in the limbic hippocampal regions, interlinked like a web of highway within this mash of glial tissue. We study them, we map them, we try and try so desperately to understand the science behind them.

Yet, we fail to be intrigued by the most basic thing - aren't we all products of our emotions?

Emotions. we all feel them. Something that has no words. Something we tried to give name to, like love. Happiness. Sadness.

But they are more.

More than just a 4 lettered alphabet.

Emotions don't go away. They linger, like it or not. The effects of it, can't really be controlled.
Try burying it. Try sinking it into the depths of your mind. So desperate for time to heal, time to forget. I say, for each and every emotion there is, it only grows exponentially.

It is like a nameless energy.. it can only be translated into something else. I guess that is why we are human after all. I guess thats why people sing..write music.. draw.. dance.. just to express this primal instinct, as i am, furiously typing into this word pad, hoping it would generate some sort of music.

Emotion. We all feel it.
Yet. we cant really explain how it works.

Too good to be true

And so i was surfing the internet aimlessly, rather than going to 9gag; i decided to google for something more useful to spend my time! and hence i came across this excellent site :

Free online courses ( that might or might not give you a degree) from MIT, Harvard (!)

Introducing the edX ( https://www.edx.org/ )
Do check it out.
: a on-profit site created by founding partners Harvard and MIT ! 
: EdX offers MOOCs and interactive online classes in subjects including law, history, science, engineering, business, social sciences, computer science, public health, and artificial intelligence (AI)

The chinese word 忍 (pronounced "ren")
means "to endure"

This word
as you can see,
consists of a 刃 (knife) above
and a 心 (heart) below.

Literally meaning what it meant -
-to endure is like to have someone stab you in the heart,
while you walk on coolly,
as if you are a ninja;
nothing.
Nothing happened.



忍，
是一门学问。
忍，
是一种艺术。
忍。
我忍!

What would you ask if you had just one question?

Im oncall back to back today,
Translated into: i havent been home since sunday 7am.
I am still in the hospital,
Running round,
Trying to save some lifes,
Trying not to kill anybody..I am waiting for the moment tomorow;
When i am able to get my bags
And walk out into the evening sun
Smelling the cool breeze,
anticipating a hearty meal with my mates at home..
Provided; if it doesnt rain tomorow or theres no cases in OT..


Just now,
For many a times,
I receive cases from the peripheral hospitals
Or just simple walk in cases
Where this person
Who is a certain mother or dad or granny or son..
Clad nicely formally or not
sometimes with freshly painted nails
Or permed hair
Even a watch on their wrist
As if something sinister and bad just strike mercilessly
i just dont care
I want your life
And i want it now
Pupils blown
No spontaneous breathing
Some reflex movements
And from the scan, you know
They are just going..
but the family members are still in shock
This is where…
We come in.
Go in.
Or
out-
Indirectly,
softly planting ideas.. into their head
whispering;
please.
do no more harm?
No more pain?
Please?
let. her. go. with dignity


. . .
Life is sad
Full of sound and fury
Yet,
signifying nothing.

For the Zillion reasons...

People used to say
when you are in rome, do as the romans
But,
what if i.. just want to go against the flow?


I remember that day when i 1st reported to "Heaven"

My mind was filled with sunshine and butterflies

the kind that lifts your soul to a whole new level

where you can actually bask in the real sun

and stare at real blue sky dotted with white cotton clouds



But, still as i roam thru "Heaven",

i noticed a certain something in the air

it's like big pink elephant in middle of the room

So big,

yet nobody's listenning



I wondered.

If it's heaven, why aren't the angels smilling?

there's always a frown somewhere beneath

a complain. a whine.

Sadness? Anger? Frustration?

I could not put down a definitive diagnosis.

something like a foreign body in your eye

irritating.



Then, after 4weeks of mingling in Heaven,

I've arrived at a diagnosis.



We are angry because..

Rm1-Heaven is being abused

Maybe.. healthcare should no longer be free to MC-litis-people.



The majority of MC-litis wears us down to the core

and the tinge of worry that lines each presumed MC-litis is real

I am sure each day, the angels in heaven have recurrent thoughts of ..

wat if i miss this
wat if i overlooked that?
wat if this is NOT MC-litis but theres a real pathology lurking behind?!?


Hence.

To curb this epidemic. i decided.

To work ONE day. without the diagnosis of MC-litis

to treat every1 equal fair and as if they are really really in pain and needs our help



Hence,

on that day,

and because angels population is dwindelling by the day,

we are left with 1 GY and 1 G

so naturally the GY has to help the G



We were streached to the limits but still humans kept on coming like theres no tomorrow

and the papers kept on stacking and stacking upwards.

when this occurs, humans will come into the room - by themselves

jostling to be seen 1st

of course it gets a bit irritating but still..



Hence, there was this 1 lady who kept on bugging on vasanthi to be seen 1st

i do not know why she didnt bug me, mayb i looked fierce when im trying to be serious

so naturally vasanti reassured her multiple times that we will be getting to her soon cuz we were clearing all the kids 1st



but still she came in 2-3 times complainng of abd pain

so.

i saw her



me: so how can i help u today?

her: pain. stomach ache wo. since morning. don;t know why. but getting more painful

me [saw she sorta wet her pants]: point at pants : what happened?

her: stare at pants; then look at me: dont know woh. terkencing kot while waiting.

**im like ar.. okay. .... ||| "

me: okay. um. got vomit? diarrhea? fever?

her: no woh.

me: whens ur LMP?

her : urm. cant remember. er..

me: okay. great. lets go scan a bit

she stood up. and looks a bit "fat"

walks in a gait thats kinda too familar..

when she reveals her abdomen:

O.M.G. she's pregnant lar.

And at 8cm. in super. super active labour.



so you see.

rebooting yourself to normal mode

where Nobody's an MClitis for a day saves lifes.

-.-

-.-

"Renegades,
rule-breakers,
gangsters with scalpels.

This is the way we like to think of ourselves.
It makes us feel badass, sexy.
Problem is it's not exactly true.
At heart, we're rule followers,
sheep.
We don't break protocol.
We follow it to a "T."
Because if we don't follow protocol,
our patients die,
and then we're no longer badass.
We're just. Bad. "

-.-

heartache, backache and headache

when i was small,
my mummy and pa told me that i could be whatever i wanted to be
be it a princess or an ordinary folk
or an angel trying to reach the sky and touch the clouds
the destiny, ultimately is in my hands

1 year ago
when i was fresh out of medical school
with full of passion and drive
i was in a posting where broken bones, severed limbs and bone tumors
preoccupied my day
my heart and soul was, still preserved and quite intact at that time.

i vividly remember how E walked into the ward
a head full of hair
with a hearthy smile armed with deep dimples that lit up the room
he had no complaints although his diagnosis was grave
no complaints although he was in pain
no complaints, despite being three hundred kilometers away from his home
he knew. the therapy would take a year of his life,
and he took it with, just a smile

Today, this morning
i saw him in minor OT; 1 year later
such coincidence, an unplanned meeting.
unlike the counselling sessions we had by the 6th floor window over looking kuching
where we had talked about tin-football and his pineapple farm by the hill.
today was one of the many slaps of wake up call for.- me.

a pang of guillt hit me.
i had wanted to go with the flow. to regress; to turn into a heartless stone, an ice meatball.
it was this close of me giving up being nice. being caring from the bottom of my heart.
i had nearly. sink that low.

Talking to E again made me wake up rudely from a trance of ignorance
like a sick doctor being nursed back to health.
God really works in many many ways.
i missed so much events. the crying. the heart ache of near death. the sepsis.
and when i looked closely,
the smile, was replaced by a pasted one and it is obvioulys quite fake
his hair, was replaced with a shinny scalp
but his eyes shows contentment. and a ray of hope.
Tonight, afterall, is his last night here in SGH.

Time is what i lack.
with so much to care about
but so little time to digest the gist of it.
So much events
that if,
for just a moment you do not pay enough attention,
events flow like the water in the river
mercilessly across and away.
and it will never come back. anymore.
and all you end up is,
feeling like being dragged from the ankle by a thousand stallions with your arm outstretched digging into loose sand.

home.

Signs and symptoms that you couldnt just ignore :-
(Because they just wouldn't go away).

1. unexplained lethargy
2. bipolar behaviour
3. substandard working performance
4. crazy speeches you give to friends
5. idiopathic nausea
6. inappriopriate spikes of body temperature
7. staring into the sky as if looking an angel


this is when,
your body is screaming
that you need to go home;
to rejuvenate
to recharge that empty heart of yours.
where you will feel all warm and comfy.
and where everything tastes right
feels right
like you are once again,
alive.

- -

it is easy to loose our way
to take the horns and tail unknowingly
when we are walking blindly in this world
in a rush.
rushing.
as always. to some goal.
some goal that is so important
to achieve, we must.

one day you wake up to a weird room
a room you had no recollection of,
that you've been sleeping in for the past 1 year
never noticed,
how to wood carvings of the headboard looks like
or how in the world theres a hole peeking through the roof
or the pattern of the bed sheet you hurriedly bought one day
so soft to touch.

as i lay here.
so quiet, with only the sound of my breath,
then did i realize the phone in my palm looks amazingly great
and i've never noticed how it manages to reflect the sunlight that way.
did i slip into some time machine?
that erased all my consciousness?
of what is true and what is only a mirage?
what is good and what is evil?
what is polite and what is rude?

no, i did not scream at the nurse who woke me up
i didnt even pass any chilling remarks to her either
for callling the wrong number in this early morning during my offday

i guess.
i am awake.
i hope. i will stay awake like this.
careful not to slip into the pit of pressure riding fire everyone seems to be in
the kind of licking fire that takes away all the goodness in you
the kindness that all of us should have.
must have.
the gist of angels above.


Happy be-lated raya/merdeka; anyway. :D

istetoscope anybody?

Imagine

Imagine there's no Heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one

would i...

---
we have a room
at the corner of a big tall building
with an enormous view of the city
and a large piece of. sky.

i sit there sometimes
with the air conditioner humming at the background
so quietsometimes just to watch the clouds change its shape
so distant yet it feels so close
like smoke bellowing sprouting in mid air
hovering mutely against the blue sky
drifting so peacefully
oblivious to the chaos beneath

the street, usually dotted with cars
so busy
rushing from one end to the other
or headless humans
walking briskly to someplace
not noticing the beauty of nature

occasionally a bird or two would sky dive
frolicking in against the wind
as if teasing me
to get myself my own pair of wings
yet all i could do is stare from a piece of window
gawking away
with an internal clock counting down to the last minute of rest time

i saw the first rain drop tapping against the window.
the rain drop slide off the glass,
shimmering as it went down because of. gravity.

then,
an epiphany dawn upon me

would i believe that we can see such beautiful things
if the retina did not exist?
humans would be gropping in darkness
ruling the world on fours
and the world would only be perceived via touch.

would i believe in the beautiful melodies
if the cochlear did not exist?
when i can only stare and imagine the tunes when the pianist hit the black and white keys
or the harpist strum the strings?
so desperately straining my ears
filling in the imaginary tones


would i..

Kopi Air and Discharge summaries..

1am : I guess i was really gawking at the TV screen during my call in labour room
after i cheekily offered the new mother to be " nak tengok TV si? -- *followed by a big grin "
The JM timing contractions suddenly quipped, " bila Doktor kali terakhir tengok TV? "
Maybe i was indeed unconsciously drooling in front of the 32" flat screen panel the other night. Hee. Before i could answer, came the familiar "cEaserrrr roOM 7" and i was up on my feet outta the room.

3am: "okay so you hold the os like that and poke it like... this.."*smile smile demonstrating ARM to Sue the new girl round the block. What followed that a minute later, was, i was pulling out a healthy rigorously crying baby out.. careful not to cut my fingers with the cord scissors (gosh-who designed such clumsy scissors?!)

6am : Still in scrubs and most of the time, smelling of liquor, with a mint in my mouth to prevent me patients to collapse from my halitosis, "Heloo mama*with a toothy grin ". ada headache? pening? rasa muntah? darah banyak si? baby BO ? PU? ... susu ibu paling best... palpate touch touch tummy for uterus ... repeated x 1000

8am : strict face *but with a*smile smile - "ze pt is blar blar from bla land.. vital signs are stable...plan is to.....but i think..."

9am : dunking imaginary donuts into --the-worst-ever-but-it-is-free-so-bear-with it-hospital-supplied-coffee-water, **smiling to myself thinking har! KPI time is 11, right on time! completing discharge summaries (x100000) in hopefully break neck speed with shaz ...
and that's my life so far till 9am in the morning yesterday..

**smiling does make a difference.
i guess i had so-nearly turned into one of them ---the dr_CTMMs.
Bless my angels who are so kind for introducing me Aunty Fish and her wonderful blog.
She woke me up from my zombie slumber.
Reminding a simple thing.
To smile.
For that smile would cross all boundaries, imaginary or real;
warm up cold hearts even in the dead winter of human goo.

And yes indeed
yesterday was different.
I actually felt a warm feeling wash over me.
as i was walking to the car, pass the tennis court, beneath the noon sun, warm breeze and the beautiful ink blue sky dotted with cotton clouds .
i guess i was.
happy.
because of what i did for the past 24 hours?
most probably.

i think, therefore i am.

Today after work, i went to The Hills, a rather uptown part for lunch by the balcony, looking at the horizons of kuching city. Well, only part of it. The air was crisp. It was a cloudy afternoon with fresh air after the rain. The kind that gives hope and showers a thin sliver lining on everything you see.

And. To think about things.
Things that later I found out were things debated and talked about by other great philosophers of “our” time.

Time since things were documented. It seems. Ha.

I stumbled upon this book. The Everything book of great thinkers.
It was when i caught eye of the new the Times outlet after the hearty lunch. The interior was sophisticated, lined with black bookshelves that invariably gives all the books it holds a “please read me!” shot. As i walked in, i felt the familiar thrill like opening up Christmas presents, and the aroma of new books so enticing.
Then, the comical book stood out.
Everything book huh.
Sceptical yet curious, i flipped it fast, catching a few of this and that. And i saw something by Descartes. I have to admit. I have zit. Nil. Zero. Idea who in the world is Descartes. But it was him who said the famous. “I think. Therefore i am”.
Something about Socratic debate.
Something about David Hume’s idea that we are merely electromagnetic chaotic storm of sensory impressions.
And the thing that tipped me over to spend Rm 54.89 was the part talking about comprehending the imcomprehensible; introduced by Immanuel Kant- as i had always wonder.

Wondering the imcomprehensible. That makes me think, am i going round in circles. Lost in the maze.
It’s like you know somethings there, but the absent-minded mind just could not put words in it.
It’s like time and space. Stars. Mind blowing things. When you micro-think about time, What is it actually? As represented by the ticking battery operated machine we call the clock? Is it something for you to keep track of the punch in punch out time for claims? Or it’s something that goes, unconsciously and mercilessly, until one day, you spot wrinkles on your forehead.

So much so. I do not know where to start or stop.

But at least, now, i know i am not alone.


- i think therefore i am, proves i exist. But i am imperfect. Flawed mortal man. If i were my own creator, naturally i would have made myself perfect. This proves that i did not create myself. And if i did not. Then who did?-

something worth watching.

It's not about ipad or the new htc hd 2.
It's about the little blue dot in space,
and how small we really are.

- -

Nearly 4 months ago,
from the moment i received that "dammed" letter instructing me to report to BTN camp,
followed by the rather unwelcome'd letter instructing me to report to SGH,
everything was a blur fast forwarded film.
i had to zoom down from KL to BP, and to catch the next flight bound for kuching..
mentally and physically drained,
i figure that i didn't gave a proper goodbye to anyone!

Suddenly, like an uprooted tree,
i felt the coldness surrounding me like a thin layer of over coat,
no matter how i try to smile, it felt fake to the core
disorientated, displaced and thrown to a very foreign place
with no place to stay,
no car to drive,
i felt i lost my wings,
but of course, during tagging time,
things were busy busy busy, and these feelings were shoved into a deep blackhole of nothingness

Day after day passed like rain drops falling down from the clouds
i told myself i must be happy, even for the slightest minimal appearing-not-to-be-significant things/events
I must get my roots back in place
then, slowly
we manage to get a place
my dear'old ford arrived in style
things were starting to improve
then badminton sessions started to materialize
i found new friends to joke with
people to hang out with
it felt like a ship with an anchor again

Ah...
these 4 months..
feels surreal.. nearly like a dream.

But today,
is the day to be remembered.

This very day,
i just want to watch the clock tick
counting down to the moment for me to board my flight to go home
it's like standing on top of a mountain watching sunrise.
its a great feeling.

after all,
I am going home

Oh..

Being posted to RCBM isn't all play.

Here, away from all the hu-ha-ness,
away from the hustle bustle of human-beings and their unnecessary apparatus
away, deep in the forest, in silence..
i realize my veil has been lifted
i was able to think more clearly
or perhaps, sufficient sleep?
i felt like i am the patient,
locked in a room
nursing my own home-sickness and rethinking about human nature

But, of course, apart from that,
Here, i manage to uncover the ultimate secret behind why people fall down from trees..

Now, have you ever wondered why in the 1st place they are enticed into climbing that dangerous plant?
It's the rewards, of course!
Now check this out!
All the RAMBUTAN trees along any road are ripe, filled with magnetic juicy yummy RED red RED rambutans which are FREE FOR ALL.
I personally didn't realize how alluring the trees were..
until..
i saw it with my own eyes!
And i was like.. NO WAY!



Well, worry not,
as our loving government has the saying
"rakyat didahulukan, pencapaian diutamakan"














they had erected this BIG sign board beside the rambutan trees ->
so guys,
pay attention!
For godness sake, stop climbing!!

For-w-a-r-d!

It's a weird feeling when a pt of mine asked,
how long i've been working
and the curt answer i had to give was
14 days.

off tagged, and i'm left to ponder about life again
time to spare and time to think
what am i going to do with my new life here
alone in sarawak with a bunch of new faces, new personalities.
HUS/SGH. the place i choose with my itchy itchy hands.
it's suddenly so quiet.
no sunny's jokes/laughter. no lippy's senyum sinis. no uma's kadavale.
no lalang's toothy smile.
the 2 weeks went by like a film on fast forward.
ppl crashing ppl dama-ing
and xinli turning incoherent.

i know,
its part of something called Change.
and with the spare time, the feeling of weirdness + emptyness creeps up.
It's not the 1st time, but it is certainly a major life changing event.
and i tend to retract back to the happy times i had in med school
with the most crazy bunch of friends - ah, the happy happy time we had.
the facial spasm. the stupid jokes. i. miss. you. all.
I hope i will not loose my smile as the days go by.

but, no matter what,
i know
we all have to move on.
for better or worst.
no matter rain or shine.

- -

Sayonara syndrome is creeping up again; or has it been there all this while?



アンジェラ・アキ - 手紙 ～拝啓 十五の君へ～
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
拝啓　この手紙読んでいるあなたは
Haikei, Kono tegami yonde iru anata wa
どこで何をしているのだろう
Doko de nani wo shite iru no darou

十五の僕には誰にも話せない
Juugo no boku ni wa dare nimo hanase nai
悩みの種があるのです
Nayami no tane ga aru no desu

未来の自分に当てて書く手紙なら
Mirai no jibun ni atete kaku tegami nara
きっと素直に打ち明けられるだろう
Kitto sunao ni uchiake rareru darou

今　負けそうで　泣きそうで
Ima makesou de nakisou de
消えてしまいそうな僕は
Kiete shimaisou na boku wa
誰の言葉を信じ歩けばいいの？
Dare no kotoba wo shinji arukeba ii no?
ひとつしかないこの胸が
Hitotsu shika nai kono mune ga
何度もばらばらに割れて
Nando mo barabara ni warete
苦しい中で今を生きている
Kurushii naka de ima wo ikite iru
今を生きている
Ima wo ikite iru

拝啓　ありがとう　十五のあなたに
Haikei, Arigatou juugo no anata ni
伝えたい事があるのです
Tsutaetai koto ga aru no desu

自分とは何でどこへ向かうべきか
Jibun to wa nani de doko e mukau beki ka
問い続ければ見えてくる
Toi tsudukere ba miete kuru

荒れた青春の海は厳しいけれど
Areta seishun no umi wa kibishii keredo
明日の岸辺へと　夢の舟よ進め
Asu no kishibe e to yume no fune yo susume

今　負けないで　泣かないで
Ima makenai de nakanai de
消えてしまいそうな時は
Kiete shimaisou na toki wa
自分の声を信じ歩けばいいの
Jibun no koe wo shinji arukeba ii no
大人の僕も傷ついて
Otona no boku mo kizu tsuite
眠れない夜はあるけど
Nemure nai yoru wa aru kedo
苦くて甘い今を生きている
Nigakute amai ima wo ikite iru

人生の全てに意味があるから
Jinsei no subete ni imi ga aru kara
恐れずにあなたの夢を育てて
Osorezu ni anata no yume wo sodatete

Keep on believing

負けそうで　泣きそうで
Makesou de nakisou de
消えてしまいそうな僕は
Kiete shimaisou na boku wa
誰の言葉を信じ歩けばいいの？
Dare no kotoba wo shinji arukeba ii no
ああ　負けないで　泣かないで
Aa Makenai de nakanai de
消えてしまいそうな時は
Kiete shimaisou na toki wa
自分の声を信じ歩けばいいの
Jibun no koe wo shinji arukeba ii no
いつの時代も悲しみを
Itsu no jidai mo kanashimi wo
避けては通れないけれど
Sakete wa toorenai keredo
笑顔を見せて　今を生きてゆこう
Egao wo misete ima wo ikite yukou
今を生きてゆこう
Ima wo ikite yukou

拝啓　この手紙読んでいるあなたが
Haikei, Kono tegami yonde iru anata ga
幸せなことを願います
Shiawase na koto wo negai masu

---------- (English Translation.) ----------
Dear you, Who's reading this letter
Where are you and what are you doing now?
For me who's 15 years old

There are seeds of worries I can't tell anyone
If it's a letter addressed to my future self,
Surely I can confide truly to myself

Now, it seems that I'm about to be defeated and cry
For someone who's seemingly about to disappear
Whose words should I believe in?

This one-and-only heart has been broken so many times
In the midst of this pain, I live the Present
I live the present

Dear you, Thank you
I have something to tell the 15 year old you
If you coutinue asking what and where you should be going

You'll be able to see the answer
The rough seas of youth may be tough But row your boat of dreams on
Towards the shores of tomorrow
Now, please don't be defeated and please don'tshed tear
During these times when you're seemingly about to disappear
Just believe in your own voice
For me as an adult, there ara sleepless nights when I'm hurt
But I'm living the bittersweet present

There's meaning to everything in life
So build your dreames without fear

Keep on bilieving

Seems like I'm about to be defeated and cry
For someone who's seemingly about to disappear
Whose words should I believe in?
Please don't be defeated and please don't shed a tear
During these times when you're seemingly about to disappear
Just believe in your own voice
There's no running away from sorrow

So show your smile, and go on living the present
Go on living the present

Dear you, Who's reading this letter
I wish you happiness
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Humans..

I just finished "the boy in striped pajamas" , the movie directed by Mark Herman.
The movie was fabulous, and it ought to be awarded of some sort of prize. It captures the regime of the Nazis through a set of an 8year-old boy's eyes perfectly.

Anyone who loves thought provoking movies should watch this. It would definitely set off ideas and thoughts that is currently submerging in your sub-conscious mind.

I wonder if i could get back to bed. This show has sent the familiar spine chilling feeling that i have, always, after seeing how herds of Jews were killed in chambers. It is truly insane, --how inhumane people could turn into when they are blinded by faith. The type of faith and trust in a man that successfully addressed the inner fears of humans; and how we just need a single, charismatic person to ignite hatred, sow seeds of anger and "the so-called-patriotism" against another human kind.

It was.. unspeakable. If there are indeed Gods above, what would they think of us?

Ze trip to Kuching

I never thought that i would actually join my lelong, lalang, their respective bffs, my super cfcs partner and my newly discovered youngest coolest macik saudara to the land of the Cats -The miow miow city. :D

Oh well. I didn't actually get to see lots and lots of cats loitering in the streets, but what i did discovered is, kuching aint that "ulu" and tiny as I expected. (yes. xinli is geography blind )
Kuching's HUGE! Everything is humungeous! The houses. The Library. Imagine, you could actually build a house on top of the round about! Wohoo.

And, the thing about traveling with a group of friends is that you will coincidently discover the usually well hidden side of themselves.

I discovered a lot of interesting traits of others during this trip. The cute. The funny. The hilarious side of others. The deep thoughts. The motherly side. The protective side. Ah. things that i never knew. or should i put it as , things that i thought i knew, but was proved otherwise.
Ok.. enough blabbing..now, on to the much awaited pictures -!

See! we are not that heavy after all!

Everybody! Strike a pose!
Ah.. lalang 's trying to kill me! :p

Flying crocodile in action

Cannibalism. urgh.
Action packed shows!
Orang utans in action. I heard, 1 of them is actually Edwin.
Darlie advertisementT's neighbour's doggieFOOD; @ buka puasa time~

This trip was blessed with 2 honey-sweet angels, who spent their precious time and money with us. A special thanks and muaks to you guys! Thank you soooo much!

A very potter musical

If you are a harry potter fan,
you are definitely going to love this!

Happiness; redefined

I did it.
I made it through the 5 years.
The 5crucial years of my life.
With the unwavering support from my pa and ma
Where i transcend from a shy teenager to a young adult.
Where i was filled from an empty bin to a sponge heavy with anatomy, physiology and a range of knowledge to heal and treat diseases
where i met teachers, doctors, professors, patients, people from all walks of life that would certainly leave a mark in my life.
they had improved me into a much greater level than i thought i would achieve.
they taught me about life. about inequalities. about religion. about happiness. about impermanence and change. about philosophy. about sports. about greeting the cleaner. about karaoke. about attire. about smell. about astronomy. about things other than the all-important-medical stuff.
in which a "thank you' would never be enough to express the gratitude and appreciation i have.

Here, i found friends. people that shared and made memories with me. shed tears with. had facial spasms due to uncontrollable laughter with. cooked with. celebrated birthdays with. danced with. visited various foodstalls with. ate dominos with. shared heart wrenching episodes together. people that taught me new vocabulary. invented new syndromes. rocked msn with. i found friends; friends that found a way into my heart. in which i will cherish forever.




Happy hols :)